It's not. But my interlock device is due for a calibration (which seems to be just a way for the manufacturer to bother me and charge me a monthly fee) but I haven't been driving for a month now. Ironically, the car broke down the day that I got it installed. So I'm sure the interlock device's own operation records will show it, if it is that advanced. If not, the only question that can be asked is "Am I legally licensed?" (Yes, with restrictions) and "Am I operating a vehicle with an interlock installed?" (No, because my current car is in pieces on my garage floor.)

So the best thing for me to do is to try and contact my probation officer tomorrow morning explaining the situation. Since I'm being totally honest about my plight, I expect leniency, but the last time I expected leniency, the judge banged a gavel and effectively charged me with assault. So forgive me if I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to "expected results".

I rode home to Oceanside with my brother this weekend, missing the ceremonial shutting-off of Voom. Going home to my parents is like maintaining your car; it's best to take care of it in a timely manner, otherwise problems just exacerbate. My brother and I have been tight-lipped about the whole situation (which is another way of saying, "We lie") since getting them in the loop offers little in the way of solutions. In fact, their badgering and worrying only serve to further increase my headache.

I have to admit that I've fallen to pieces since Carroll moved out. She was sort of my mental keel, I guess, and even through my hardest, I looked to her for inspiration. She's got a warrior mentality that I lack on my own. I run. I run far. But being on my own has led to disarray. Okay, maybe it was just that having someone who's been through so much on her own provides a great counterpoint to me, who, for all my bravado, really hasn't been through much. Left to my own devices, my natural state seems to be detachment.

I'm opting not to attend the wedding of a childhood friend. It's in Chicago and while it's doable with regards to time and money, I'm trying to simplify things, and his lack of organization is just leading to believe that his wedding (I'm in the groom's party) will be one train wreck. Again, I'm trying to reduce my headaches.