If I had some one else's voice
But failure has always sounded better
Let's fuck it up, boys. Make some noise!

Bright Eyes, "Road to Joy"
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For the second straight week, I fixed the flushing mechanism of the toilet at the Ventura County Drunk Driver Program. The difference tonight being, however, that I'll never have to step foot in that building again. Jill has this tradition where people on their last day pass around a marble and every member of the group says something nice about the person who's leaving, in an effort to infuse the marble with good karma. You get to select a marble from a big bucket of marbles she's amassed. I chose a very very small one since it was the only one like it in the bucket. It was nice to hear everyone wish me well, and I honestly did have a good experience here. I've said before that it's not the first place I'd choose to be, but it's certainly not the last place.

So I've been done with the jail sentence. I've finished meeting with the court-appointed counselors and educators. I've got an interlock device installed on my non-functioning car, but it's installed nonetheless. And I've been current with my payments, so all of this should hopefully add up to my probation officer being lenient and letting me off probation early.

A confession: one of the many things I regret about this whole experience is that I missed a chance to live in Sicily with Heather. I'm not going to be morose about it, but the point remains that a mere $15 separates me from an alternate universe where, instead of my current trials and tribulations, I would have been selling all of my non-essential possessions and gearing up for Mediterranean life, running off with someone I loved very much. I admittedly feel a thrill just thinking that it was once a possibility. Such romanticism, such adventure! Sadly, I will only know that life in the realm of fiction. I know you're supposed to live with no regrets, but I will be plain in saying that I regret not being a very good boyfriend to a fantastic woman, and I feel bad about all the hardship I caused her. Sicily is a geographic manfestation of Opportunities Missed.

But Jill has been accurate in pointing out that my demeanor has changed since my entry into the program. I used to filled with such anger, and I, too, have noticed the transformation into a person that is not necessarily kinder or gentler, but certainly one more patient and humble. If I traded Sicily for a small marble, then so be it, and let me work hard to live a life where I don't make such a lopsided trade again.