In AA, they emphasize the importance of clearing away the wreckage of the past. I've been spending the past couple of days organizing all my crap, sorting through the stuff I don't want to look at anymore and what not. I'm the dangerous combination of sentimental and packrattish, meaning that I don't throw anything, opting instead to shove all of my good and bad memories in shoe boxes for them to fester in the attic. Love letters, photographs, ticket stubs, clothes; they're all in a box clearly labeled "Past Tense" so that I can safely ignore it all while I'm still in a moderately unstable state. I've found that even being at they gym, surrounded by so many people, I felt uncomfortable. Since I'm committed to my workout plan, I guess this means I'll be heading it at 6 in the morning to beat the crowds.

I'm going to try and raise all of these issues with the court-appointed counselor. It's not so much me being afraid of crowds or confined spaces, but I really can't put a finger on it. I'm hoping it's not bipolar, because that would make me such a tragic figure, complete with italics. I guess part of the problem is that I don't like dealing with the idea of having to find out.