A bunch of new inmates yesterday, thus beginning the new cycle. I've been talking to my new legal counsel (I'm still not getting out of my extended vacation here in Camarillo, but it's nice to hear from someone who can legitimately give me hope during my probation period) as well as other people who are in for probation violations, or have had alcohol terms in the past.

Alcohol terms refers to the ability for your field probation officer (I've been assigned some new officer out of Simi Valley) to come and breathalyze you or search your home or office for alcohol, and prohibits your ability to enter an establishment whose sales primarily are from alcohol. It almost always entails some sort of class, or attendance of some sort of meeting. Other convicts have said that while in theory they can check up on you at any time, in practice they don't check on the weekends, and there are many people here inside who just drink on the weekends. Good to see the law working.

When I get out, I've told coworkers that I plan on filling my bathtub with Cristal and then just lying in it. Yes, it most certainly is a big "Fuck You" to poor people, but I thought it would just be the epitome of things that I can do once I'm free.

Of course, I can only do that once I've served 67 more days here. Not 66, certainly not. Wait until 67. But theoretically, we can let you out at 12:01am of your 67th day, so it's more like 66 and a minute. Do you see the ludicrosity of this? The sentence, not the bathtub.

Jacob, correctly, pointed out that my bathtub plan will probably end up running me close to $50,000 for something that I might not want near all of my, uh, bits (I mean bytes! I mean gigabytes!), and so I offered the compromise of just shampooing my hair with it, as if I just won the World Series or something.

Lesson: if you want to make something seem reasonable, first present a plan that's horrifically not feasible, and then pull back, and your normally-unreasonable plan will make good sense in comparison. In reality, I'll probably spend that night sauteeing some onions and cooking up some bacon for a club sandwich. And then deglazing the pan with champagne.