And a bucket of rhymes I threw up somewhere
Want a locket of who made me lose my perfunctory view
Of all that is around and of all that I do

Rufus Wainwright, "I Don't Know What It Is"
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At last night's AA meeting, I actually decided to get up to the podium and recite Chapter Five, which is done at every work furlough meeting of AA. I have to tell you, I haven't spoken in front of an audience (not counting work meetings) since my TA days. The hall, normally aflutter with side chatter that it's impossible to hear whoever is speaking, all fell silent as I was reading. Apparently they'd never heard a speaker with such conviction before. I remember my first few meetings when I would sit in my chair and write the words that were being said as they spoke them: they recited so slowly! (Incidentally, a couple people saw me waving my finger in the air and they all thought I was crazy, a la that kid from "The Shining." Redrum! Redrum!) So for my first speaking role, I decided to blitz through the script and speak with such velocity that even I was amazed at the quickness with which I spoke. It was pretty crazy.

I didn't let it get to my head, though, as I probably would have in lives past. I shrugged off the calls of "Looks like we have a new speaker!" and "Hey, who brought in the ringer!?" and just sat down trying to put on my best sheepish smirk. Problem is, I didn't really know how to do that on cue, so I just looked away. When someone asked me later on what I did for a living, I quickly changed the subject and said that at the time I got busted, I was trying to get into culinary school. I'd prefer to divulge as little information as possible.

When my new bunkie asked me what I did for a living, I told him that I break networks: denial of service attacks, ping floods, Christmas tree packets, that sort of thing. I then quickly retreated to the safety of Gabriel Garcia Marquez.