There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today

Mimi from Rent, "Another Day"
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Had a fantastic party where even Marie managed to show up from New Mexico. Of course, she didn't fly in specifically for me, but I like to treat my guests as if they did. Had a pretty successful set of dishes, and the company was exactly what I needed. I've got the best friends in the world. I still haven't had a drop to drink since the accident, and last night I decided to break out my last bottle of Tikal. I can't wait until all of this is said and done so that I can get back to enjoying wine. Right now, I'm abstaining in the hopes that it'll aid my legal defense, as well as provide me with a test of my own free will. But the party was fun. Lots of conversation about careers and brothers and money and laws and marriage and relationships. All in all, a very positive environment.

Results from the blood test are all great; probably can't say the same for Ray's old roommate. He probably didn't die as a result of substance-overdose, which was our first inclination. The more probably result was simple poor cardiovascular health. It's weird; I was never close with him at all, but I still feel a little bit diminished. I'm at this weird crossroads at my life. For the past eight years or so, I feel like I've been living out an extended childhood. Not in the sense that there are few responsibilities, but rather that the future is open and limitless and that all the things I take for granted will still be there tomorrow for me to ignore.

But now I don't think I have the luxury of taking things for granted. If today was my last day on earth, how well did I spend it? I slept in, had a good lunch, chatted with Heather, bought a bunch of CDs at Best Buy, messed with my three project computers (Pandora, Poseidon, and briefly, Pygmalion), and did a few dishes until the Oscars came on. I had a light dinner, watched Sportscenter, listened to the soundtrack of Rent, and I am currently writing.

I fear the process of litigation; I don't fear the outcome. Many years from now, no matter what my financial or familial situation will be, I'd like to think that I can still enjoy a lazy Sunday doing those things. My mother feels as though this accident should serve as a warning to change my life. I contend that there was nothing wrong with the path I was on, just the way I walked it. My goal still includes the ability to buy a bunch of CDs and listen to them after watching Sportscenter and attending to my hobbies. Hopefully, I'll be less of an asshole in the meantime.

I'm going to end up buying my mom's car off of her. The convenient thing is that there's Mom Financing involved, in that it's a tax free no money down transaction. As a replacement car, my parents ended up buying a Lexus GS300 from Mission Viejo from the same salesmen who sold me mine. I consider it to be a high complement. Eventually, I'm going to trade in my mom's car and turn it into a Lexus again. Finest car I've ever driven, hands down. Betty took me to Vegas, to Oregon, to San Diego, and all arond LA. How do you measure a year in the life?

I'm drowning in paper work right now. Glub glub.