Or just a stirring in my soul.
But I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?

John Mayer, "Why Georgia"
---
For those of you looking for gory details, then you've arrived at the wrong
destination. Please head to the other side of the terminal so that U-Bahn
Number 2 can take you back to the zoo.

A lot of people at work have been asking (in my absence) what happened. The
proper response is, "Talk to my lawyer." But I want to begin defending
myself. So first of all, no comment. Second of all, I plead the fifth.
And third of all, that's for the court to decide. There are a few among you
there in BCC:land that do know what happened, but I'd appreciate it if you
didn't repeat the story. I currently have legal representation based out of
Fullerton, California. Yes, that's far away, but good criminal defense
lawyers don't live in the Thousand Oaks area.

So here's the quick detail-free gist: I was in a car accident, in which
another motorist was involved. My car was totaled.

Here's my detail-free interpretation: based on details that I'm not giving
you revolving around the incident, I should be dead. Period. There's no
way that my accident could have resulted in anything less than spinal
injury, broken legs, 3rd degree burns, and punctured lungs. Instead, I am
left with shame, regret, remorse, and guilt, not only of having involved the
other motorist at all, but the fact that I should not be around to be able
to tell this story to anyone.

I did get knocked unconscious. I don't believe I cheated death at all. I
believe that death didn't accept me. I believe that this is (for those of
you who are religious, insert "God's"; for those of you who are not, insert
"destiny's") way of slapping me around. You can look at all the symbolism
you want, how Friday the 13th was right there, how it happened on
Valentine's Day, how yadda yadda yadda. You can get all born-again if you
like; I will not. I do not plan on renting Girls Gone Mild or Debbie Does
Penance. I plan on resolving this issue, paying my debts to society and the
other motorist, and moving on.

There's been a gracious outpouring of sympathy and well-wishing from all
corners of my life right now, and I have to say a collective Thank You. I
guess my milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard. But the
story is not over, and I plan on updating my blog regularly, so while I
usually don't send you guys (y'all) emails anymore, check me out at
http://liquidetchings.blogspot.com for any updates.

We may be done with the past, but the past isn't done with us. Or, put
another way, that despite our changed ways and good intentions, the
regretful things we may have done before can still come back to haunt us.
This should make for good reading in the future. Hell, the legal battle
alone should be cause for you all to keep reading. Or maybe you want to
look deeper symbolism, and see if this is God/Destiny acting out because of
a past transgression of mine. That's what the archives are for, I guess.

I'm back at work now, back in the realm of 1s and 0s and cause and effect.
I suppose I never really left it.

This whole experience has been a loving spoonful of humility, kind of like
that moment when you're done climing a 14,000ft peak in Colorado, only to
realize that Everest base camp is 4000ft higher. But I think an ego-check
is just what I needed. I've been quite the cocky and arrogant SOB lately,
and at some point, probably the point at which they stuck a catheter in me,
I realized that a Look-What-I-Bought-Now Lifestyle isn't right for me. You
realize a lot of things when you're in the emergency room. You realize who
and what are most important to you, and the answer is probably not the cost
of the tie ($20) or shirt ($50) that they just snipped off so that they
could take your vitals and attach an IV. Hell, the next day, after being
released from the hospital, I check the mail to find out that the store from
which I bought said items has closed, but that they included a $75 gift
certificate for me being such a good customer.

I am currently paying the price for living the Good Customer Life. I should
be dead. I'm not born-again, I'm not re-awoken, I'm not re-affirmed, I'm
not starting over. I'm done with that part of my life. I have the
power to move on and do well, no matter what the circumstances. It's time
to exert that power.

I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.