Friday, September 05, 2003
I've got tires that grab the road
I've got seats that selflessly hold my friends
And a trunk that can carry the heaviest of loads.
Cake, "Satan Is My Motor"
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This week really flew by for me because I'd been living fridge-less until about an hour ago. Here's the refrigerator I almost bought: Subzero 650. I was at a showroom and I even went as far as swiping the credit card.
I really didn't like the movie "Signs", but there were some interesting points it raised, and it's the same as one brought up by "Matrix Reloaded". What if there are no accidents in life? What if it's not coincidence? What if it's providence?
Over the past month I had rang up a pretty hefty bill on my trusty credit card. Amazon.com, Fry's, Indian restuarant, Chevron, Party Expenses, Crown & Anchor, Crown & Anchor, Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, Chevron, Amazon.com, Amazon.com, Sushi restaurant, Crown & Anchor, Barnes & Noble, Tower, Bed Bath & Beyond, Crown & Anchor, Italian restaurant, Sur la Table, Chevron, Party Expenses, Crown & Anchor, Party Expenses, Islands, Party Expenses, Crown & Anchor, Party Expenses, Chevron, different Italian restaurant, Poker Chips, Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, Crown & Anchor, dessert in Long Beach, Party Expenses, Steak restaurant, Chevron.
Knowing what my spending habits are like, the past few months or so flashed before my eyes as he took my credit card to the swipey machine. It was cold in that showroom. It all of a sudden got very quiet; a tumbleweed, um, tumbled behind me. I remembered the great times I'd always have going out with friends to eat. I remembered the saag paneer at Taste of India, the chocolate martini at Alessios, the chili cheese fries at Islands, the risotto at Piatti, the sommelier's gifts at L'Opera, and the prime rib and clam chowder at Hungry Hunter. I thought of all the cool kitchen stuff I bought, like the down pillow & 300 count thread sheets at Bed Bath & Beyond, the cool serving dishes from Cost Plus, and the funny apron from Sur la Table. I like how I can sit down at Crown & Anchor, and how my friends can get the Russ the Bartender's attention, and all they have to do is point at me and nod their head, and Russ comes by moments later with a Ketel Tonic.
Of course, there's the purely selfish habits, like filling Betty up with Premium Unleaded for the privilege of travelling across Southern California in subtle style and quiet contentment. I buy books that I don't read, but video games I play incessantly. There's the quiet lunch alone at the sushi bar, and the secret thrill of a new CD.
While August was an unusually active time, the cost of living my life for a month is typically on the order of $3000. This refrigerator was about to set me back $6000. It was so pricey that after all of my expenses over the past month, my trust credit card went over the limit and I was rejected.
I sat there thinking to myself how I could still finance it even in the face of a maxed out credit card. You see, my Thermador died for the final time last weekend, and Carroll and I were stuck cleaning out the rotten contents. It smelled so foul in that fridge. Imagine the smelliest, stinkiest, most grotesque, most putrescent thing you could think of, and then imagine that it took a crap. That's what it smelled like.
I wanted a new refrigerator now, and coincidentally, I managed to throw the biggest party of my life on its last legs. Coincidentally, I ran up my credit card bill to the point of not being able to afford a new refrigerator. But I was desparate. I asked them to put $5000 on the card (for which I actually did have room) and the remainder on the E-Trade card.
I sold all my shares of the regional airline and the pharmaceutical company around with which I had been dicking. All told, I made about $3000 on a $10k investment in three months. Coincidentally, the cash proceeds hadn't settled in my brokerage account yet, so I had zero spending power off that E-Trade card. Still no Subzero.
After coming to my senses, and realizing that a SixK fridge would severely hinder the lifestyle that I like, I made them void the credit card.
That was Tuesday night. Over Labor Day weekend, Heather flew over from "The NC" and put up with me as I ran errands all weekend. We did manage to get away on Saturday to hang out wi... wait... hold on... That was a 747!... to hang out with Hardy at his apartment. We got to spend some time with such luminaries as Movie Star Martin, Dr. Matt, and Jay the Destructicon. At that party I realized that I am that rare breed of person who doesn't like watermelons.
After spending the afternoon making fun of Matt and his inability to climb steps and carry plates at the same time, Heather and I left for Santa Monica. I told Matty J that I finally brought my checkbook (I never take my checkbook anywhere, and I barely use it at all; I do all of my bill-paying online) and that I could finally pay him for Varekai and Saddle Peak Lodge. Neither Matt, nor Heather, nor myself, however had a pen at the time. How's that for a rhyme?
That evening, Heather and I had dinner at Michael's, and believe it or not, I did not make an ass of myself with the sommelier. In fact, I surprised myself at how much I knew. I overheard him suggesting to the next table about Gruner Veltliners, and he pronounced them "Groovies", at which point I said, "I love those Groo Vays." I half-jokingly added, "But they're so Last Year." (You may all recall about a year ago when I mentioned that GruVes were the hip thing. Not so much anymore, as 2001/2002 German wines are the it thing. Austria, pfft.)
Let's not talk about 3rd Street anymore. This morning I walked into a showroom in Woodland Hills, and found the KitchenAid Architect I had pegged as the replacement fridge. Because I am going to be yelling "Go Baby Go" at the racetrack this weekend, I am expecting delivery on this new fridge on Wednesday. Yes it lists for $2700, but from this Pacific Sales, I got it new, delivered, and installed, plus a 5-year warranty for $2400. I reached back for my wallet to pay for it with my credit card, but alas, the void had not cleared yet from Tuesday night. My credit card was still maxed out despite it being voided. Embarassed, I had instantly resigned myself to the idea that I would not have a new fridge until I washed all evidence of my SubZero half-purchase from the books.
"Wait, I've got my checkbook in my car."
